Do What I Say, Not What I Do: The Importance of Saying “No”

Let’s be real for a moment. We all know the importance of saying “no”—it’s essential to protect our time, energy, and mental health. And yet, I often find myself struggling to follow this advice. It’s a classic case of “do what I say, not what I do.” Guest lecture invitation? Sure, I can fit that in. Review another manuscript for a journal? Why not! Supervise an extra student? How can I possibly say no? Another committee focused on equity? I have to be a part of it, right?

This inability to say no is something I’m all too familiar with, but the truth is that saying no is vital for everyone in academia—including undergraduate and graduate students. We all deserve the space to set boundaries and protect our well-being. If we don’t, we risk burning out or spreading ourselves too thin to do our best work. So, let’s talk about why it’s okay to say no and how to do it without feeling guilty.

Why Saying “No” Matters

Saying no doesn’t mean you’re letting people down—it means you’re valuing your time and ensuring that you can give your best to the things you’ve already committed to. Every “yes” comes with a cost, and overcommitting often means sacrificing the quality of your work, your energy, and your personal life. Remember, you’re not just saying no to the task; you’re saying yes to more time for deep focus, self-care, and even opportunities that are more aligned with your goals.

Strategies for Saying “No” (Without the Guilt)

1.     Be Polite but Firm

You can decline invitations respectfully. Phrases like, “I’d love to, but I’m currently at capacity” or “I can’t take on anything else at the moment, but thank you for thinking of me” work wonders. It’s okay to acknowledge the invitation with gratitude while still holding your boundary.

2.     Suggest Alternatives

If saying no feels hard, suggest someone else who might be able to help or a different timeline that works for you. It shows you care, but also that you can’t take on every request.

3.     Keep Your Priorities in Check

When deciding whether to say yes or no, ask yourself: “Does this align with my main goals or passions?” If it doesn’t fit with what’s most important to you, it’s probably a good candidate for a no.

Remember: You Don’t Have to Justify Yourself

You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation. A simple “I can’t take this on right now” is more than enough. Boundaries don’t require an elaborate defense.

My Personal Commitment to Saying “No”

As part of this piece, I, Alan, am making a personal commitment: for the rest of this year, I will say no at least eight times. Yes, eight! Just thinking about it makes my spine shiver, but it’s necessary. I need to create space to focus on my current projects, my students, and, most importantly, my well-being. So please, check in on me in a few months to see if I’ve held myself to this challenge!

Final Thoughts

Saying no is hard, but it’s a skill we all need to practice—whether you’re a student, faculty member, or anywhere in between. So, let’s commit to setting healthier boundaries, one no at a time.