How to Find and Maintain a Good Mentor-Mentee Relationship

A strong mentor-mentee relationship can make a big difference. The right mentor can offer guidance, support, and opportunities for growth, while a productive mentoring relationship can create a lasting impact on both your professional and personal development. But finding the right mentor and cultivating a positive, mutually beneficial relationship takes intentionality.

I consider myself incredibly lucky to have had amazing mentors throughout my academic journey, including both professors and more senior graduate students. As a first-generation student, I had to navigate the world of academia, learning both the written and unwritten rules of academic work and interactions.

The faculty members who served as my mentors came from different universities, each offering their own unique insights, experiences, and areas of expertise. They helped me learn invaluable lessons—how to push back against unreasonable reviewers, navigate moments of conflict, and become a supportive mentor to my own students. Now, as a faculty member, I am committed to passing on a model of mentorship that is rooted in kindness, flexibility, openness, transparency, and support. These are the principles that shaped me, and I want to ensure that future scholars, especially those from marginalized backgrounds, receive the same guidance and encouragement that I was fortunate enough to experience.

Here are some key tips for finding a mentor and fostering a relationship that supports your academic journey:

1.     Identify What You Need from a Mentor

Before you seek out a mentor, take time to reflect on what you need. Are you looking for someone to help with specific academic skills, such as research design or writing? Or are you seeking a mentor who can offer broader career guidance, professional networking, or personal support? Identifying your needs will help you find a mentor whose strengths align with your goals. Consider factors like their expertise in your field, their communication style, and whether they share similar values around work-life balance or advocacy.

2.     Look Beyond Your Department

While it’s common to look for a mentor within your department, don’t hesitate to explore beyond it. Mentors from other disciplines, departments, or institutions can offer fresh perspectives, especially when your research is interdisciplinary or if you're seeking advice on navigating the academic landscape more broadly. These “outside” mentors can provide new ideas and connections you may not have considered, helping you build a more diverse network.

3.     Participate in Mentorship Programs

Many academic institutions and professional organizations, such as the Canadian Sociological Association and the Society for the Study of Social Problems, offer formal mentorship programs designed to match graduate students and early-career scholars with experienced mentors. These programs are a great way to find someone who is committed to supporting your growth. Mentorship programs often pair individuals based on shared research interests or career goals, increasing the likelihood of a productive relationship.

4.     Establish Clear Expectations Early On

Once you’ve found a mentor, one of the first steps to building a strong relationship is setting clear expectations. Discuss how often you’ll meet, what kind of guidance you’ll seek, and what your mentor expects from you in return. Clear communication about roles and boundaries ensures that both parties feel comfortable and that the relationship remains productive. It’s important to remember that mentorship is a two-way street—just as you expect your mentor to support and guide you, they may expect you to be proactive, open to feedback, and respectful of their time.

5.     Maintain Open and Honest Communication

Communication is the foundation of any good mentor-mentee relationship. Make sure to keep your mentor informed about your progress, challenges, and any shifts in your goals. If something isn’t working—whether it’s meeting frequency or the kind of advice you’re receiving—bring it up respectfully. Honesty fosters trust, and a healthy relationship is built on mutual understanding. Regular check-ins, whether formal meetings or informal conversations, help maintain that connection.

6.     Nourish the Relationship

A mentoring relationship isn’t just transactional—it’s about building a meaningful connection over time. Take the time to get to know your mentor on a personal level and share your own experiences and challenges with them. Be proactive in scheduling meetings, following up after discussions, and providing updates on how their advice has influenced your work. Building this kind of rapport helps create a relationship where both parties feel invested.

7.     Be Open to Feedback and Learn from Your Mentor’s Experiences

One of the key benefits of having a mentor is learning from their experiences. They’ve likely faced many of the same challenges you’re encountering, and their insights can help you navigate the complexities of academia. Be open to their feedback, even when it’s critical, and use their advice as a learning opportunity. At the same time, don’t be afraid to ask questions or push back if something doesn’t align with your values or goals. A good mentor-mentee relationship is one where open dialogue allows for growth on both sides.

8.     Recognize When It’s Time to Move On

Not every mentorship relationship is meant to last forever, and that’s okay. Sometimes, your needs may change, or you might outgrow the guidance a mentor can provide. Recognize when the relationship has run its course and express your gratitude for the support and advice you’ve received. Ending a mentoring relationship doesn’t mean burning bridges—it’s about acknowledging that your professional journey has evolved, and you’re ready for new opportunities and connections.

Of course, it’s also possible to find what I often refer to as your “academic soulmate.” These are the 1-2 people with whom you share an almost seamless working relationship. You understand each other's working styles, collaborate effortlessly, and build a partnership that can last throughout your academic career. These relationships are rare but incredibly rewarding. When you find someone who complements your work and shares your values, the connection can lead to some of your most fulfilling and productive collaborations. Whether it’s co-authoring papers, developing projects, or simply supporting one another through the highs and lows of academia, these partnerships often become a foundational part of your professional and personal growth.

Final Thoughts

Finding and maintaining a good mentor-mentee relationship is about aligning your needs with a mentor’s expertise and creating a relationship grounded in mutual respect, communication, and growth. Whether you’re seeking technical guidance or broader career advice, a mentor can be an invaluable asset in your academic journey. Take the time to build a meaningful connection, and remember that the most successful relationships are those that evolve and grow over time.

Finally, and most importantly, the mentor-mentee relationship is deeply reciprocal, and this aspect is crucial to its success. Both sides grow and learn from each other in ways that are often unexpected but incredibly valuable. I always learn from my mentees—they challenge me to improve my work, generate new ideas, and consider perspectives I may not have thought about before. Their fresh insights, enthusiasm, and unique viewpoints help keep my thinking dynamic and evolving. This exchange of knowledge and experience enriches not just the mentees but also the mentors, creating a collaborative space where both can thrive and develop. Mentorship is never a one-way street; it’s a shared journey of growth and learning.